Hello from the other sideeeee! Yes I am alive and functioning but also practically abandoned by blog yet again! These past few months have been super hectic with starting university, getting dumped with countless assignments and me basically not having a social life. So how have my first few months of university been so far?
University for me all started with this two-day event I was invited to attend to known as ‘Get Set For Success.’ It was literally an overnight stay at the university with a bunch of first-year students as well. Although, I had decided to stay off campus for my first year I was eager to experience being away from home. It was enough to say I was incredibly nervous about making new friends and just adjusting to a new environment especially with my hearing difficulties but I was excited. However, throughout the day my excitement died down a lot, I went out of my comfort zone to talk to people but didn’t feel I fitted in very well at all. I felt so lonely and out of place to the point where I was tempted to just leave and go home. I persevered though, not willing to give up too easily and did manage to meet a nice group of girls that I got along well with who I unfortunately don’t talk to now.
It wasn’t until the evening where things got more uncomfortable for me. I understand that at university many students drink but I for one am not a big drinker. So were many other students had gone out of there way to buy alcohol from the shops I sat there not wanting to drink at all. I was constantly asked to ‘just try some’ but I constantly shook my head saying no, not letting myself be pressurised. I retired to my room for the evening leaving everyone else to drink but having to push past all the drunk boys near my room, loud music playing and people wandering into random rooms I didn’t feel incredibly safe (I was actually too scared to take my hearing aids out even if I locked the door).
I ended up sitting on a terribly flatbed for thirty minutes debating if I should get my dad to pick me up. In the end, I, unfortunately, gave up and called him up. I had been happy to get home at the time but the next morning I felt this horrible sense of disappointment and embarrassment especially when I had to tell my aunties cousins and other family members. However, they were all quite proud of me so they said because I knew when I felt unsafe or uncomfortable and made the good decision to come home so that made me feel a little bit better. I feel that it is important that we all know when we are not feeling comfortable and know when to leave instead of succumbing to peer pressure and continuously following the group.
After the events of ‘Get Set For Success,’ induction week/Freshers Week began on the 11th September and the first day did not go amazingly well for me. The induction for Creative Writing was great and set my mood for the day only for it to drop completely when I had a Media Induction where I felt so insecure about my hearing loss after a remark made by a lecturer. Thankfully we have resolved that incident but I lost confidence in myself and the general teaching staff. The rest of the week went by rather quickly but I wasn’t enjoying myself at all for multiple reasons.
I struggled a lot with making friends although I would constantly talk to people it was almost as if there was this huge wall preventing any genuine connection to that person. I ended up feeling incredibly lonely around campus seeing how so many of my classmates already had their own groups. I didn’t go to any evening events for Fresher’s because I didn’t find the right group of people to go out and have a good time with at all. In both my Media and Creative Writing classes I felt as if I was unapproachable or just couldn’t engage much in conversations because of my hearing difficulties almost as if, my disability was holding me back completely.
It got to the point where I dreaded going to university. It wasn’t until I began talking to another girl in my class and we spent 4 hours together due to our gaps between our class. I got to know her so well and we had so much in common, now I chat to her all the time and meet up with her. She has practically become my only friend at university as I am with her.
However, within my media class, there is this massive split between myself, my friend and another girl and then a huge group of people that all sit together. It really bothered me at first because I really wanted to connect with those people but it just didn’t happen and I’ve learnt that its okay. I’m incredibly content with the one friend I have at university and if I make more then great if not then it truly isn’t the end of the world.
It’s taken me a while to jump back on my feet again and to feel confident but now I’m happy to say I’m doing well! Although I sometimes wish I had a bit more of a social life in terms of going out, I’m enjoying my course in Media & Creative Writing. I’m even starting my own society at the university for KPOP Fans in the hopes of meeting new people maybe and still meet up and kept in contact with old high school friends.
Perhaps, I went into university with a set expectation but I’ve learnt that not every university is exactly the same, in, fact its different for every person. Yes, I had a rough start but I defiantly hope that from now onwards its smooth sailing (I’m paying a lot to go to uni so it better LOL). But in all seriousness, right now I have never been more happier with myself for bouncing straight back up, even when I was feeling like utter crap.
Whether you are going through a similar experience right now or have been through this. I’d like to say that it gets better but, its all about accepting the fact that it’s okay if things are not heading in the direction you expected. University is a learning experience both academically and socially, as the years go by I think I’ll learn more about myself, make mistakes, have new experiences but learn lessons from everything. So stay positive and open minded because good people will come your way at some point…